Hello you, how was the rest? You made it through never the less.

Stop. Turn. Take a look around. Slow burn, let it all fade out pull
the curtain down and wonder where you've been.

I don't have much time to think or be nervous. To worry that I can do
this job and that it will all work out. That, for me and who I have
turned into over the past six months is definitely a good thing.
Mostly I am just so excited and my memory of my new work home is just
that everyone is so friendly.

I am enjoying this new hat of optimism not tarnished by cold faces of
reality. I will enjoy investing into my family and friends lives
again, returning to the girl I used to know and love without stress
creeping into every pore of my being. It makes me tired just thinking
of living like thT. I never thought I would wake up in bed watching
the world coming down onmy head.

Had a great chat with my dad last night, I love the man he is and who
he had been in my life. I am very much enjoying the past few years
growing my relationship with both of them and realizing that even if
they were not my family I would still want to know them, be friends
with them and have their influence in my life. Definitely very proud
to say I am their daughter and love spending time with both of them.

I just need a compass and a willing accomplice...

So so so tired! Today was exhausting as I am sure tomorrow will be....
And the next few days trying to settle in and find some comfort zone.
I'm not so excited yet ad current work financial situations are
extremely frustrating and I am hoping the company just does the right
thing rather than making this a bigger battle than it ever should have
been.... Whatever it's in their hands really.

I am looking forward to new beginnings and full of anticipation that I
will be so much happier and content and just more myself! I'm tired of
being a worry merchant and I am tired of being tired.

This used to be a funhouse....

It was sad today the last day working with mel and Jerry... I feel as
though I shouldhave done more or something nice etc but given I had a
days notice I don't think I can feel too guilty.

It's always disappointing when people change when they find out you're
leaving- it doesn't give reason to be rude or disrespectful or think
you have something over anything. Whatever!

Irony.

Totally looking forward to this weekend and getting my hair done for
the first time in 7 months. Dinner tonight with the usuals, always fun.

Feeling really good, just free and peaceful.

so, so you think you can tell heaven from hell, blue skies from pain...

its hard to ignore the woo, when the genuine needs and requests are answered with a resounding yes... with the largest hospital bill covered, when it shouldnt have been, the job coming through in record time, enough money to live off.....

i feel very free right now. I guess you never know the stress because it starts as a gentle pressure gradually mounting and mounting so you just think its normal - like weight. Take away the source of stress and you feel almost invincible.

The cynic in me is waiting for it to fall apart because it seemed too easy - but maybe when none of it is about me, and I genuinely only did what was in my hand.. is it as simple as that? Because I dont think in my life I have ever had things answered like i have in the past month. Even when I was so diligent, doing the 'right' things in the name of religion I was more crucified by those meant to be the biggest followers.

So then, is being a true christian not so much about how much or what church you go to, but whats genuinely on the inside, why do so many church people judge your level of relationship by the ratio of how much church you attend and how often you say yes?

I guess I am older, and I still have my own fatal flaws, but Im learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

the seconds here where the night is clear and your heart is fierce...

'You have two choices right now. You can either think positively and watch your world improve,or you can give in to the temptation to speak meanly and think dark thoughts, and await the ramifications. Remember: we get back what we put out,so rise above the temptation to be snide'


You finally know you control where you go, you can steer.

Im a loose bolt on a complete machine...

sorry for the lack of updates. hopefully now that things have settled down i may be more inspired and or dedicated to keeping regular updates. At the moment i am watching the oscars 'live' on foxtel, however the internet is telling me Heath Ledger won his award so something isnt quite right with this version of live.

The latest news is we are saving for a holiday next january we are going to LA. To watch the supercross in anaheim, to go to disneyland, high voltage tattoo, see hollywood, visit johnny in his cupcake store...and a whole host of other things. We are hopeless at saving, however hopefully with a reward such a this - which will be ak's first overseas trip we will be dedicated nough to see this happen. Im so excited and its 9 months away.

During this time we will also pay off Mr Norman and his interest free accounts, get some money from the government and just see a year that sees us and stella get our groove back. It wasnt a great end to last year, or start to this year and in february it seems our luck is turning around. Fingers crossed, eyes peeled... lets go.

Everything in no time at all...

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
Hearts will hold

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

I'm holding out, and I'm holding on...

Let it just be said, i have great hair at this very moment.... i took some time out and re dyed it, and then straightened it, so i feel very very prepared for this week. with great hair.

so i did what i knew in my heart i needed to do, and took the package and left my job last week - well its effective as of Tuesday COB, but im on leave, so really thursday was my last official 'work' day. This is not to say im not scared out of my brains - never in my life before have i just quit my job without having something else to go to. But i can now say i have done that! But when you know you are being asked to do something, you just have to swallow your pride, and sense of security and do it. So, i did.

Im looking forward to this week, as my faith goal is that i will find my new job this week. I am looking forward to going away to QLD with a job offer and acceptance in tow, and being able to relax and focus on other things that i need to whilst we are away. I dont know how its going to happen, i dont know what it looks like, but i know thats faith, and i know i have copious amounts of that at the moment. Im looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family in this season, and im looking forward in being able to see the ways in which he reveals himself in the big and the small things...

im just looking forward to it. doing it scared, but knowing someone has your back. and you are where you are definitely meant to be. scared, no job, but full of faith and knowing you are doing all that you have been asked to do.

Its been a lifetime, a lifetime we've waited for

You've got to find a way....are we wasting time, or is it wasting us.
As each day passes my heart gets more excited and my head gets more anxious. I'm not sure how to balance the two, except to feel I need to work both with grace and support the questions and desires of both.

No mean feat, but I am positive I was not created to fall, but to fly.... I feel in some strange way very at peace and very safe. Deep down. Sometimes I have to stop my thoughts and sit very still to listen for that quiet voice but it is there. And in a very random turn, I have had no problems with my eating that plagued the past few weeks - maybe it was the conflict manifesting.

Ill be with you wherever you go through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

Regards
Lyndal

What you are is crystal wall and what you breathe is silver air

I am going in to this week with faith. That what we need will be provided for, that matters will be conducted fairly and morally, that our happy ending is in progress.

Right now I have no idea of much and am just taking it minute by minute literally, that's all we can do. I am learning a lot about who I am, and who I am in the face of things that really suck. Choosing which battles need to be fought and which don't deserve energy.

We are both at a cross roads, and I think I'm very human in that I just want to know it all ends ok.

I never said id leave the city I never said I'd leave this town... Things have changed for me. And that's okay. I feel the same, I'm on my way.
Regards
Lyndal